when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
