I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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