oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
