Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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