I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
