He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
