I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
