Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think I just sharted jello shots
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
