shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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