Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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