I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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