Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
