What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
