Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
