This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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