I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This baby is an asshole
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
