She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
