I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
