I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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