well I can't set my house on fire every night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
