We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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