i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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