Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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