Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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