You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
