I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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