I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
