Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
