I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
