so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
