I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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