So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
