so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
