I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
