The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just found a bag of teeth...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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