OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
