i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize