i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
