Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize