I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
