I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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