Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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