I feel like abortions should bother me more
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
