At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
