Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
