i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
