You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
