Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He felt like a one man threesome
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
don't judge my taste in strippers
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
