Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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