what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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