I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
