Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
