i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize