Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
