im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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