just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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