6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize