His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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