Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
