Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
