a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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