What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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