You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
