His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
