I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
