Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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