We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
