I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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