That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
