no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
