Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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