He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
